How Gay Men Taught Your Dad to Make Love

SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES FOR THE EL JEE BEE TEE AGENDA!

Every time I learn something new about an innovative form of music or really any form of culture, I think to myself “I know damn well it’s a queer muhfuckah that came up with this.” Alas, I am correct again. You were conceived because dl Black men was creating the perfect slow jamz playlist for ya parents to hunch to…Surprise. Surprise.

I hope this comes as a surprise to exactly zero (0) people, but if you’re struggling to stomach it or you’re just curious as to how I got here, come walk with me.

The Quiet Storm and Masculinity

If you’re unfamiliar with the Quiet Storm, it’s a radio show format that began in D.C. at Howard University’s radio station (WHUR). It was created by WHUR’s general manager, Cathy Hughes, and the original host, a Howard student named Melvin Lindsey. It began with a focus on slow to mid tempo love ballads with slight variation based on the individual show and host choice, as it was a replicable show format used across the U.S.

If you want to learn more on it, watch this video I made detailing the show’s origins along with the Quiet Storm’s political, social, and cultural impact. (Lemme know in the comments if you enjoyed it and what other musical topics I should look into, thank you bbs).

So what’s masculinity got to do with it *got to do with it!* (Sorry y’all, I’m a little high writing this). Well as always, turns out it’s got everything to do with it. The music is intimate, the shows are most often led by men, not always but generally, and they talk explicitly about love and love making. GET IT HOW YOU LIVE IT! The music is very gendered and heteronormative (non-derogatory). This comes in the mid 70s as Black people are in the heat of moving to the suburbs and moving up the social ladder. Middle class here I come baby, woo! You and shorty the only two in this big ass single-family home. You got a bed and three couches to fuck on. The room next to yours is the baby nursery you’ve already set up for the non-existent child. The small families were YEARNING for some mood music and Melvin Lindsey gave it to ‘em, everyone say “thank you King!”

Well the thing is…our fave, Melvin, yeah he was gay. I don’t know if he knew it at the time, but the audience definitely didn’t. The curator of the DMV area’s sexy time music was one of the queers.

First and foremost, thank God. Imagine a straight man as your intimacy coordinator…NO THANKS. Double it and give it to the next person.

It’s interesting to think about how a person’s queerness can affect their art/production before they come to terms with it, but it really does! I always think back to the things I chose to consume when young and the activities I chose to partake in. So much of it was already very queer or otherwise seen as odd. This was far before I thought of myself as queer in any way, but the gaytivities, their magnetism is so strong. The art I created as a kid was so unmistakably gay. When I was 13 I painted a contrasting color graded portrait of Tyler Oakley for art class…dead giveaway.

So many white gay men look like white butch lesbians.

When you’re young and understand that you are different from the images people are projecting on you it’s common to think about how you relate to those projections. Intimacy in the way we relate is bound to show up. That’s why it doesn’t surprise me that Melvin Lindsay was curating such interesting and full shows curated around the sounds of love and love making with an especially strong Black woman audience. Intentional or not, queerness will seep out of people, revealed through the ways we relate to the world around us. Our taste is visible, honest and touching and as we step into understanding that part of ourselves we flourish. Cathy Hughes once said in an interview that Melvin Lindsey’s personality began to open up as he became more comfortable with his sexuality often assisted by his Black lesbian mentor. Duh, nigga.

To be clear: It wasn’t just Melvin Lindsey. One of the biggest names to come out of the Quiet Storm is Luther Vandross. He had a solid career before the show, but the soft warmth of his vocals and his ability to rework theatrical ballads with an intimate feel was Quiet Storm BAIT. The show loved him. The audience loved him. The show sold his records before he could do it himself. Luther Vandross ass was gay too! He was queer but didn’t give his audience access to concretely knowing it. Always talking about love, never specifying the lover. He speaks often of the longing he experienced for love and intimacy. Luther Vandross’s masculine texture was inoffensively soft to straight people. Many a heterosexual wedding song were created by people with queer tendencies. If Luther isn’t enough for you, I’m sure you can find a rumor about your favorite male artist on some website. Look up their name and “blind item” on Reddit or TikTok.

I don’t believe that intimacy is inherently gay. That’s not what I’m saying at all. Gay people can suck at holding others too. What I am saying is queer people have a tendency to question intimacy in ways that play with gendered ideas of how we frame love. That will come through in the art you produce and it may just be intriguing for everyone. So please EVERYONE, continue to question the images that people project onto you and talk about it, write about it, sing about it, move your body based on how it makes you feel, create it! Because that art is honest and it may resonate with more people than you realize! At its least, it’ll feel realllll good to make.

With Love,

Carma 💋

---

In the mean time, enjoy these other pieces I’ve put out for y’all:

Check out my Quiet Storm Mix as well! :)